I was sitting at my desk when a conversation between two coworkers began unfolding behind me. One of them has previously opened up about a vulnerable situation, seeking prayer and support from her sisters in Christ. The other mentioned this situation and continued in an overly bright tone, “I feel bad for everyone going through things right now. My life is pretty good and God is blessing me!” She listed off her recent blessings and kept going back to: “I just feel bad for you.” But the way she said it? It didn’t sound like encouragement or support. It hung in the air like a subtle sting – comparison cloaked in confidence. There was a shift in the room. Despite the optimism of the first, the situation was uncomfortable, and honestly, a little heartbreaking.

We’ve all most likely been in both positions – on the receiving end of that sting, and, even if unintentional, sometimes the one who’s made others feel less than.

Comparison is one of the quietest, most corrosive sins. It sneaks into friendships, self-worth, and even our spiritual lives, convincing us that we’re either not enough or far too much. So how do we, as Catholic women, recognize and root it out?

The Trap of Comparison

Comparison is as old as Scripture. From Cain and Abel to Rachel and Leah, even saints and siblings have wrestled with the temptation to measure themselves against others. Sometimes it looks like jealousy – why does she have what I’ve been praying for? Other times, it shows up as pride – at least I’m not struggling like she is.

But both are rooted in the same lie: that someone else’s life is the standard. The world tells us to keep up, to get ahead, to measure our lives against curated highlight reels. Proverbs 14:30 tells us plainly: “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.”

The Spiritual Cost

Comparison doesn’t just affect our emotions; it affects our souls. It steals gratitude, warps identity, and builds barriers – between women, and between us and God. When we’re busy watching someone else’s path, we stumble on our own.

In Galatians 6:4-5, we’re reminded: “Let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load.” We are not meant to measure our worth by the lives of others – but to humbly walk the path uniquely laid before us.

Our True Standard: Christ

We are not in competition. We are in communion. God never intended for us to become carbon copies of one another. Your calling, your timeline, your suffering, and your joy are handcrafted by God with eternal purpose.

You’re not behind. You’re not better. You’re not lacking. You are simply you – a necessary, beautiful part of the Mystical Body of Christ. As St. Paul writes, “The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I don’t need you!’” (1 Corinthians 12:21). Every part matters. Every journey has value.

When Comparison Comes From Others

There’s a particular pain that comes from being compared against, especially when we’re already in a vulnerable place. The temptation is to shrink, to become bitter, or to harden our hearts. Even in those moments, Christ shows us how to respond.

When others tried to trap, shame, or belittle Him, He stood firm in truth without cruelty. He never sought to prove Himself. He knew who he was – and so do you. You are not what someone says or implies. You are not less because someone else is loud about their more. You are loved by the Father, and that love doesn’t waver based on how others treat you.

Cultivating Contenement and Compassion

So how do we begin to detach from this constant mental measuring tape?

• Start with gratitude. Begin and end your day thanking God for what’s yours – no matter how small.
• Bless others in prayer. When envy creeps in, turn it into intercession. Ask God to continue blessing them and to open your heart.
• Celebrate others out loud. Affirm the good you see in your friends, coworkers, and sisters in Christ. Joy multiplies when it’s shared.
• Pray a litany. Litanies can powerfully reset your heart. Try the Litany of Humility when pride creeps in or the Litany of Trust when you feel insecure. Let the repetition be a gentle reordering of your soul.
• Reflect on the saints. St. Thérèse of Lisieux, though unknown in her lifetime, said, “What matters in life is not great deeds, but great love.” Your unseen faithfulness is just as holy as someone else’s public victory.

You Don’t Have to Compete to be Complete

Sister, the world is loud – but the voice of God is gentle. You don’t have to earn your worth. You don’t have to be the best to be beloved. You don’t need to outshine others to matter in the Kingdom.

You don’t have to compete to be complete.

Your value isn’t found in outperforming the woman next to you – it’s found in becoming who God created you to be. He isn’t comparing you to her. He isn’t grading your life against her blessings or burdens. He looks at you with the same love and delight He had when He formed you in the womb. You are already whole in Him.

There’s room at the table of grace for all of us. When we stop comparing, we start connecting. When we celebrate others without insecurity, we become mirrors of Christ’s love – a love that doesn’t compete, but completes. So take a breath. Release the pressure. Embrace the truth:

You are seen. You are chosen. You are complete in Christ.